More Shoes

I think I know why I don't look in to Pinterest as often as I did before. It's because every time I look into Pinterest for inspirations, I (most of the time) always came with a new wishlist sigh. This time, I've caught up by this beautiful pair sneakers by Nike. I usually don't like the Airmax style. But this one is slightly different and I like it! Omg I want this so bad in any colour I don't really care between these three. I love all of them!! This is it, The Nike Airmax Thea!

Image source: Pinterest.com

The Power of Not Knowing

I just posted 3 tweets about people's characters I hate the most. The winner so far is people who always tells or promises something but in reality they will never do it, or omdo (omong doang) you might say in Bahasa's slang word. Basically just people who's telling bullshit every time they made a promise. Well no, not that bad actually lol, it's NATO (no action talk only) kind of people (it's still THAT bad isn't it?). And the runner up is people who always makes a good imaging of themself in social media. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to make a good image of yourself, it's a must actually. But, if you're starting to fake it, or even deny your actual character by adding your fake 'good' personality.

First of all, before I rant too much in this post I wanna make a little disclaimer. Now I declare my blog as my trashcan where I put all of my thoughts whenever I'm pissed or happy (but most of them probably when I'm pissed lol). If you want to find some inspirations or some informative posts, you won't find it in this blog, not yet for now. Second, back to the actual topic of this post, I always mention 'always' on the characters I mentioned above. That means if you do it sometimes, I still can understand and forgive you. But if you ALWAYS do 2 things above, mmmm mmmh me no like you.

Ok back to the topic now. So those are two characters I hate the most in people. But then, I rethink about it again. I started to think, is it even possible that I hate them characters because of my own problems? That it is my problems if I don't like it, not their mistake because it's a character, it's natural. Well, I found that I hate those characters because my close friends have that and I hate it. And then I think again, do I hate it because I know them too much. I hate my friends' character because I know them too much. In my opinion, when you know someone too much, you can't have expectations from them anymore. You know how is it going to work. But then, you still persist to have expectations but it crashes. You totally know it's gonna happened, but you denied. The next thing you know is you blame yourself for being so naive about it, to expect something's impossible to happen. And now you're pissed by your own mistake.

Because of that, I think that not knowing about everything is good, is great. You'll expect everything and guess the result with nothing to lose. If it's failed, you will hope for another chance. Because you don't know the end yet, and you keep expecting it.

Be like Bill

Bill got problems

Bill doesn't tell people about his problems if they didn't ask

Bill doesn't tell people about his problems just to catch attention and for them to feel pitty about Bill

Bill is smart

Be like Bill.

I envy you.

My friend has a very, very sweet and caring boyfriend. She has a boyfriend who's always making an effort for her, to meet her, to take her off from work, to get something she needs without her asking, always shows how proud he is about their relationship, about my friend. I envy that. I never felt that way. Oh I'm bad, I'm so bad. Is it me being selfish? Or is it me being logical? Sorry

Overthinking. Is it good or is it not?

Just got home and finally I can lay down on my bed, checking the virtual world. It's been a pretty tiring day. Not just physically but also mentally. I think a lot lately, way too many maybe. Eventho I always been an overthinker but now it's just too much that I feel the need to pour it out. I don't know how to start it. It's just too much. It's about my education, future, career, relationship, family, priorities, and the list goes on. So I just got 2 interviews in two days. I think that's made me realize about my responsibility. I finally realize that I now have a responsibility, that I'm responsible to myself, I can't depend to my parents anymore or anyone. And it just feels so heavy. I envy people who can enjoy their life without thinking about risks or the future, because I can't do that. I think to much. Some says it's a good thing tho. But how is it good if it makes me feel worse because I just realize if I'm not good enough, whether I missed some chances, or if I made any mistakes or wrong desicions. I always wondering 'what if' bla bla bla. Ok this post is getting nonsense now. But it is. I see everything is nonsense now, or at least yet. I start to worry about anything. Everything becomes bias now. I can't see the path anymore and I don't want to make any because I'm afraid that I will loose it. Sigh, for now, I'm just gonna let this weigh drownes me into the deepest sleep. Wish me to not thinking too much tommorrow, no?

Wishlists

After I always fulfilled this blog with sad posts and me who's angry all the time, now I want to change the mood a little bit heheh. I went to some stores yesterday and I saw some things that really caught my eyes. Oh and fyi, I always always fall for shoes!! That's just one of my guilty pleasure I think. Anyway, lately I've been so much into holograms and good black shoes. Also lately I kinda like style myself not too feminine, and even a little bit boyish/androgyny(?) I've been loving boots and oxford soooo much now as you can see on my wishlists below. So here they are

Image source: newlook.com

Image source: zara.com

Image source: stradivarius.com

I hope they won't be just a wishlists huhu wish me luck!

Just....Another Rambling

Have you ever feel that you hate everyone, like literally everyone. Even your bestfriends, close friends, boyfriend, college friends, even the celebrities that you saw on TV who you dont even know. It's like you want to just point your finger to everyone's faces and said "I hate you, I dont like you, you, you, and you..." And the worst part is that you hate yourself as well.

Oh my God I swear I really want to write something happy in this blog, buttttttt hhhh I dont know I even dont feeling that this is myself who's writing this post. I think I'm just geting weaker and weaker since, I dont know maybe this semester? I dont even want to give a fuck about everything in my campus life. I'm not interested to participate in any events or organisation in my campus anymore, or even to just gather around with my friends. Not that I really hate them but I just want to waste my time alone by watching movies or just sleep hahah. But I also didnt mean I hate my friends like I totally hate them. I just, I dont know I think I didnt find a bestfriend figures from my college friends. They just my college friends, maybe there are some close friends but not really close to be someone who I can lean for everything, if it makes sense. Well, this is my fault though because I'm not really good at making friends. I mean it's easy for me to make and have friends or to associate with people but it's hard for me to really trust someone to be my bestfriend.

At first, I think this is OK because I dont really feel that I need that. But now, I think I'm kinda sad about that. I have a bestfriend, but she's not going to the same college as mine so I cant really brag everything to her since we learn different subject here. Well, I can tell and brag everything but she cant really tell what I'm supposed to do because there's always some missunderstanding between us because of our different background. But I still appreciate that though. Actually, I realized this after she told me that she didnt have a bestfriend in college who she can count to anytime, and that time I felt that I dont have one either.

As a senior year student in campus, I finally realised that I need someone who I can tell everything when I'm having a hard time. I think this is the weakest time of myself in college. You may saw me smiling and cheering or joking everytime but deep down inside I'm feeling like I'm drowning to the heart of the ocean (oke ini lebay). I need someone or even something to be my garbage can of my stories. I need a new someone. I dont want to fulfil my bestfriend's thoughts with just all my problems because she also has her own problems, especially she's doing her thesis now. Well, good luck for you! And yeah I have a boyfriend and I used to tell everything to him too. But now, I think I cant do that anymore. Beside it's kinda useless for me because now I can only share stories to him by email and he only can read it at the weekend, and at the end of the day I just share all of my stories that happened in one week and ends by he's just leaving without gave enough comments or advices because it's already 6 pm and he's got to go back to his dorm. And also, again, I dont want to fulfil his thoughts with my problems because I know he had way more difficult situations there. So yeah, I dont want to be a selfish bitch girlfriend who always want to be the spotlight of our relationship. But I also dont blame it on him though.

So, for now, I think I just really need to focusing myself to my studies so I can pass all of this without any regrets. Please pray for me so I can stop being a procrastinator. Oh help! that is like my number one problem, sigh. Oh and btw, I just found a cool quiz that I'm sure you should take! The result will amazed you I guarantee it! This is the link for it http://www.wordofmouthexperiment.com/dedpyhto/tests/tibetian/ . Aaaaaand good luck!