Wishlists

After I always fulfilled this blog with sad posts and me who's angry all the time, now I want to change the mood a little bit heheh. I went to some stores yesterday and I saw some things that really caught my eyes. Oh and fyi, I always always fall for shoes!! That's just one of my guilty pleasure I think. Anyway, lately I've been so much into holograms and good black shoes. Also lately I kinda like style myself not too feminine, and even a little bit boyish/androgyny(?) I've been loving boots and oxford soooo much now as you can see on my wishlists below. So here they are

Image source: newlook.com

Image source: zara.com

Image source: stradivarius.com

I hope they won't be just a wishlists huhu wish me luck!

Just....Another Rambling

Have you ever feel that you hate everyone, like literally everyone. Even your bestfriends, close friends, boyfriend, college friends, even the celebrities that you saw on TV who you dont even know. It's like you want to just point your finger to everyone's faces and said "I hate you, I dont like you, you, you, and you..." And the worst part is that you hate yourself as well.

Oh my God I swear I really want to write something happy in this blog, buttttttt hhhh I dont know I even dont feeling that this is myself who's writing this post. I think I'm just geting weaker and weaker since, I dont know maybe this semester? I dont even want to give a fuck about everything in my campus life. I'm not interested to participate in any events or organisation in my campus anymore, or even to just gather around with my friends. Not that I really hate them but I just want to waste my time alone by watching movies or just sleep hahah. But I also didnt mean I hate my friends like I totally hate them. I just, I dont know I think I didnt find a bestfriend figures from my college friends. They just my college friends, maybe there are some close friends but not really close to be someone who I can lean for everything, if it makes sense. Well, this is my fault though because I'm not really good at making friends. I mean it's easy for me to make and have friends or to associate with people but it's hard for me to really trust someone to be my bestfriend.

At first, I think this is OK because I dont really feel that I need that. But now, I think I'm kinda sad about that. I have a bestfriend, but she's not going to the same college as mine so I cant really brag everything to her since we learn different subject here. Well, I can tell and brag everything but she cant really tell what I'm supposed to do because there's always some missunderstanding between us because of our different background. But I still appreciate that though. Actually, I realized this after she told me that she didnt have a bestfriend in college who she can count to anytime, and that time I felt that I dont have one either.

As a senior year student in campus, I finally realised that I need someone who I can tell everything when I'm having a hard time. I think this is the weakest time of myself in college. You may saw me smiling and cheering or joking everytime but deep down inside I'm feeling like I'm drowning to the heart of the ocean (oke ini lebay). I need someone or even something to be my garbage can of my stories. I need a new someone. I dont want to fulfil my bestfriend's thoughts with just all my problems because she also has her own problems, especially she's doing her thesis now. Well, good luck for you! And yeah I have a boyfriend and I used to tell everything to him too. But now, I think I cant do that anymore. Beside it's kinda useless for me because now I can only share stories to him by email and he only can read it at the weekend, and at the end of the day I just share all of my stories that happened in one week and ends by he's just leaving without gave enough comments or advices because it's already 6 pm and he's got to go back to his dorm. And also, again, I dont want to fulfil his thoughts with my problems because I know he had way more difficult situations there. So yeah, I dont want to be a selfish bitch girlfriend who always want to be the spotlight of our relationship. But I also dont blame it on him though.

So, for now, I think I just really need to focusing myself to my studies so I can pass all of this without any regrets. Please pray for me so I can stop being a procrastinator. Oh help! that is like my number one problem, sigh. Oh and btw, I just found a cool quiz that I'm sure you should take! The result will amazed you I guarantee it! This is the link for it http://www.wordofmouthexperiment.com/dedpyhto/tests/tibetian/ . Aaaaaand good luck!

1:47 AM

It's 1:47 in the midnight. My eyes are still wide open. I'm tired but I cannot sleep, I don't want to. I even close my laptop after just sitting on my bed, starring to my laptop screen for minutes. But, I decided to write this. Not really sure what I'm going to write tho. I'm in a situation when my mind is empty, too empty till I get mad of that. I cant think about any other things because my brain is just so frickin full right now. No, it's not about my college tasks, or even love. I'm just worried, worried about everything. If only I can teleport to everywhere everytime I want. If only I have more than seven days in a week. If only I stopped being a procrastinaor. If only....

This is the situation when I'm being the most introvert. The situation when I just want to be alone. I'm not mad or even sad. I'm just too confused and scared to meet the sun again knowing that the day has changed.

I Miss You?

a very loooong time since my last post (which is just a 'say hello' post though hehe). I even don't know why I started blogging because I never felt express my filling in an article where people can read it freely is my thing. I am a very introvert and extrovert person in someway. So, I think start writing a blog is a progress for me, yes? Well, I hope so heheh. In this (not so) first post, I want to share my feeling about something that maybe a really boring or cheesy theme. Guess what? yes, it is love (sigh).

Short story, I've dated my boyfriend since 2010 and been having a long distance relaionship since 2011 till now because he studied in UGM which is in Jogjakarta and I'm in Unpad, Bandung. But now, since it's his dream to become a police, since last year he (finally) could be the Police Academy student in Semarang, or so called taruna AKPOL. Since we started dating, we're never really being a 'normal' couple. I don't know what this called about so I'm just put that 'normal' word heheh. I can say we've been long distance couple since we started dating because we're never really being like other couples who always together at least 5/24 a day, who can always count on her/his boyf/girlf whenever he/she needs. We went to different high school then, and now we're having the LDR thing and even come worse because now I only can communicate with my boyf on Sunday and just through phone or chatting in just 3-5 hours. No more skype, or even meeting up until he gets his day off.

But by the way don't get me wrong, I'm really really proud of my boyfriend. He is a really tough person. Failed 2 times at AKPOL never made him give up. He even get motivated from that. I'm also not complaining about my boyf though. I just, you know that even something you really love about can gets really sucks sometime, right? Well, I think that's what I'm feeling right now. I really really feel envy when I see all of my friends with their boyf/girlf everyday or even everytime, in real life or in social media. It just sucks to see other people can share sooo many times with their lover, and really really sucks that they're still missing their lover after not seeing them in one day! one day!!!! What about me? Okay, I've met my boyfriend last week, but in at least 2,5 years I never met my boyfriend like every weeks or every days. I even didn't meet him in 5 months and without any communications too when he's in quarantine in his first year in AKPOL. I just wanna feel how is the feeling to have your boyf next to you every time, when you can call or text him to come everytime you want. Hhhhh sorry for this angryness. Not a really good start posting, huh? I'm sorry I'm sorry, will trying to make some happiness feeling on my next post maybe (if it will be :p) heheh. And last, for you who is (maybe) cleaning up his shoes for not making any mistakes or being punished the next day, I miss you. Not just miss you because we're apart, but because we're never been so close for a long time, I miss your present here, beside me. And you know what I want (and always) to say at the end about what I'm feeling for you. Good night <3